Decoding Communication - The Four Side Model
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Effective leadership is crucial for fostering growth and achieving success. A key component of effective leadership is understanding the distinct roles of mentors and coaches. While both mentors and coaches play pivotal roles in leadership, their approaches and impacts differ significantly. Jens Heitland, a renowned leadership expert, sheds light on these differences in his Leadership Bootcamp session titled "Mentors vs. Coaches - Distinct Roles in Leadership.”
What is the Four Side Model?
The Four Side Model, also known as the Four Ears Model, posits that every message contains four layers of communication: self-revelation, facts, relationship, and appeal. This framework helps both the sender and receiver understand and interpret the multiple dimensions of a message.
Self-Revelation: This aspect of communication reflects what the speaker reveals about themselves. It encompasses their perspective, emotions, and state of mind. Jens emphasizes that understanding this layer can help decode the speaker’s intentions and feelings. For example, if someone is shouting, it might indicate stress or urgency.
Facts: The factual layer includes clear, objective information conveyed in the message. This is the straightforward part of communication, like stating that a traffic light has turned green. Jens points out that while this seems simple, it is crucial for accurate information exchange.
Relationship: This layer addresses the dynamics between the communicators. It includes how the speaker feels about the receiver and the nature of their relationship. Jens illustrates this with a scenario where a person’s tone or manner of speaking might reveal underlying tensions or emotions, impacting how the message is received.
Appeal: The appeal component represents what the speaker wants the listener to do. It is the actionable part of the message. For instance, telling someone to start driving when the light turns green is a direct appeal.
Practical Application:
Jens shared a relatable example to elucidate the model: imagine you are driving with your spouse, and the light turns green. Your spouse shouts, “It’s green, drive!” Here’s how the Four Side Model applies:
Self-Revelation: Your spouse might be stressed or in a hurry.
Facts: The light has turned green.
Relationship: There might be underlying tension, perhaps from a previous disagreement.
Appeal: Your spouse wants you to start driving.
By dissecting this example, Jens demonstrates how understanding each layer can improve our response and interaction. This model encourages us to be more mindful of how we convey messages and how we interpret others' communications.
Watch the Video of the Live Leadership Bootcamp
The Four Side Model is a powerful tool for enhancing communication. It prompts us to consider the multifaceted nature of messages, leading to more effective and empathetic interactions. Jens Heitland’s explanation and practical examples make it clear that mastering this model can significantly benefit both personal and professional relationships. Integrating this approach into your communication strategy will help you decode messages more accurately and respond more effectively, fostering better understanding and cooperation.
For more insights into leadership and communication, follow Jens Heitland and stay tuned for more sessions from his Leadership Bootcamp.
Transcript of the video:
This is one of the best communication models I've ever used, and I use it since, I don't know, 10 years for sure.
This the foresight model by a German psychologist, Friedman Schultz von Tuhn.
On the left side we have the sander, and on the right side we have a receiver.
So it's two people talking together like you see in the middle. This model explains that you have always four different types of messages inside of one message.
If you talk to a person, then this person can understand four different things, depending on different topics.
The first message is self revelation. What do you stand for? That's of your perspective of the world, and that's what you're reflecting in what you're saying.
Number two are facts. Clear data and clear informations towards the receiver.
And then the relationship part is how are you related to the other person? And I will give examples later than it will be more clear.
And then if we look into the appeal, the appeal is really what would you like the other person to do?
I often use the example when you drive in a car with your spouse. Stopping at a traffic light. The traffic light is red, I'm the driver. I'm looking around.
I'm not paying attention to the traffic light. And then my wife is shouting at me. It's green. You have to drive.
What are the four messages in this?
So if we just use this example self revelation, what can be a self revelation in this case of my wife. If she's shouting, then she might be stressed. Maybe she's in a hurry because she wants to be at a specific appointment and we are driving to that appointment.
So that's her perspective on who she is and what's happening for her in this moment.
If we now go into the facts. Facts is very easy in this.
If we stand in front of the traffic light and the traffic light goes from red to green, that's the fact.
Traffic light changes from red to green, super easy, then it gets more complicated relationship.
Shouting. I mentioned that she was shouting at me that she's eager that I'm starting driving.
So there might be a lot of things when it comes to the relationship. There might be something frustration from the day before. There might be something going on between us. Maybe I said something while we were driving towards that traffic light that upset her.
So there might be a lot of things. Let's just give an examples, like upset, because of day before,
and you see already if that's in another context, that the relationship is always very, very difficult. And then the appeal is very easy as well.
The appeal means, hey, start driving.
It's green.
So a very, very easy model that helps you to understand how do communications work from both sides.
So you can be the sender, then you need to be aware of, okay, what is my relationship to the other person? What might the other person understand differently?
If you're in a very good relationship with your best friend, then you can just slip things and they will understand your way of humor
for example.
If you are not in a good relationship with the other person, then you need to be very, very clear on how you're communicating. As well be aware, what are you revealing from yourself? Are you stressed? Are you in a hurry? Are there things going on? Are you happy? Are you sad? All of this will go into the message and the other person might understand that rightly or wrongly.
And then the data and insights, the facts part. As well be very clear. Hey, the traffic light is green. Just for your information, you can say the same thing depending on the tone of voice and so on, and the other person can understand things differently. And then of course, what is the appeal?
What would you like the other person to do? Is another key part as part of your communication important as well.
When you put yourself into the receiver side. So what do you hear from the other person? Do you hear that the person is upset? Because then you can ask the other person, Hey, it feels like you're upset, what's going on?
So a very, very easy model. Use this with your team. I always, say that putting it in front other people and explain the model, go deeper. It's a very simple tool which you can use when you prepare communication.